I decided to start this blog on Thanksgiving day. I have much to be thankful for. A wonderful husband, two sons, a daughter by birth and another beauitful daughter by marriage. Yet, I am sitting alone at 2 in the afternoon in my pajamas and feeling pretty alone. My husband has to work 12 hours, my daughter is on her way home from work, thankfully. My sons each work retail and live 2 hours away. It was not practical for them to come home.
So, as the seasons of being a parent change, I realize the seasons of depression change along the way. I can't say today that I am really depressed. But, I know that I am just one tiny change away from falling into the pit.
If you have experienced depression, you know the "pit" I am talking about. It is the big dark hole that sucks you in. For me, it happens when the weather changes from summer to winter. Those dark and dreary days mirror my mood this time of year. I often wonder if I do it on purpose but I don't think so.
When you are hovering near the pit, you try hard not to fall in. You act as if you are okay for as long as possible because you don't want to worry the people who love and care for you. Eventually, if you don't get a grip, the pit looks like a safe place to be. You have to STOP. Don't wait until the blanket of darkness gets so heavy you don't see an escape.
If you are not participating in talk therapy along with your medication, DO IT NOW! It is such a big part of keeping ahead of the dark pit. It is scary to go at first but, if the therapist is a good fit for you, you will develop a relationship of trust that allows you to feel safe in the midst of your chaotic thoughts. A voice of reason.
Keep trying to pull yourself out. Exercise. Do things that you enjoy. Take your mind off of your mind. Most of all, recognize that this is jut a dip in the roller coaster of life. You will be on an upswing soon. I hate roller coasters by the way.
Peace to each of you who happen upon this blog. I am just filling time and putting into words here things that I can't really share with those who love me but can't really understand.
Blessings
